What Do You Bring to the Relationship Table

Many times people say they know what they are looking for in a relationship, a spouse. Women and men say I want a person who makes a certain amount of money, has a certain job, looks a certain way, good credit, nice car, and educated. Someone who can help me accomplish my goals in life. There is nothing wrong with wanting certain characteristics in a mate. And there is nothing wrong with wanting someone who can help you accomplish your goals in life. Most of these however, are outward things. And if that is who you are, then you need to recognize that is who you are. Are you bringing the same or equal qualities to the relationship, to the table?

You meet a person, and they have the job, money, education, credit and the looks you want. Wells let’s say they have most of the qualities you are looking for; and you get married. Then life happens, and maybe someone gains weight, loses hair, job/career changed, credit gets damaged, had to down size the car. Now the rubber is meeting the road. Is this relationship built on sand or on rocks? What is the foundation of the relationship?

Many times in our relationship with God we seek things. We seek the money, career, nice car and nice house. But Jesus tells us in Matt 6:33 to seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of the things will be added unto us. God told Solomon in 1Kings 3:11 that because he did not ask for riches for himself, but asked for an understanding heart to discern judgment; I’m going to give you that, but I’m also going to give you what you have not asked for, riches and honor and there shall not be any like you among the kings all of your days. In Hebrews 11:6 it says but without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. God clearly says if you want the riches, you have to want Him first. You have to seek Him first. In Ps 37:25 David said, I have been young and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. God has promised us if we diligently seek Him, who he is, what are his ways, that He will reward us. He wants us to know him intimately and God is not going to be used. I encourage you to seek Gods face and not just his hand.

Would you want someone to choose a relationship with you just because of the outward things that you bring to the table. The things that can change the stuff (material things) they can have. If you did not maintain the stuff, would you still be in the relationship? If you gained weight, lost your hair and did not make as much money, would you want your relationship to end? No, you would want and hope you had something deeper; you would want someone who cared for you deeper than just the stuff. You want someone who will stick by you when life happens. You would feel used if they left when the stuff was gone, when you needed them. Just like you want someone in it for you, God wants us in it for Him!

It is sometimes a good idea to look for someone who has strengths in the areas where you are weak. Someone you can have a conversation with, a real conversation? If laughter is important to you, can you laugh together, have fun together? Do they want the same things you want out of life? For example you may want a large, expensive, high end house and car. They may want an average priced home in a nice neighborhood. You may call good money $150,000.00 per year; they may call good money $50,000.00 a year or less. You may value money and they may value family. Learn the deeper things about the person you are in relationship with, have intimate conversations. Find out if they know God or just go to church. When you come to the relationship table bring the real you, ask the real questions and get real answers. If you seek the real relationship, the deeper things and not just the stuff, I believe the reward will be great.

How to Love

Should you love the way that you love or the way a person wants to be loved?
If you attempt to show someone you love them by cooking and they do not care about having home cooked meals, do they feel the love? If flowers are something they only want on their grave, then flowers may not be the way to show your love. They could want more of your time and attention and not just your money. Volunteering to help around the house or in the yard could be a way of showing that you care, especially if they know it goes against the flow for you and you are doing it just for them.

God has instructed us on how to love Him. He said to us if you love me, keep my commandments. God likes us to spend time with him, praise him, worship him and put him first. There is no gray area; we know how God wants us to love him. If you decide there is another way to love God other than doing what is in his word then God is not feeling that devotion. Feeling love is not always important, you can be in love without feeling it. But sometimes we need and want to feel the love.

If a person shares with you what is important to them or over time you figure it out, then my suggestion and advice is to love the person the way they want to be loved. Feel free to show affection the way you show how you care also, maybe they will learn that they enjoy that as well, but that reward could just be for you. If you want them to feel the love, then love them in a way that they can feel, always keeping in mind that it does not go against the word of God.

God knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows, our thoughts before we think them, our words before we say them, he knows the number of hairs we have on our heads, now that is intimate, that is love.

Act like a Lady, THINK!!

When I read Steve Harvey’s book Act like a Lady, Think like a Man my first thought was, how ridiculous. Particularly the part that said it only takes three things to make a man happy. The next day, I decided its probably the woman in me that did not want to receive that information. I also decided that rather I liked what I was reading or not, some of it was probably true. When I discussed it with my brother in law, he agreed with Steve Harvey.

I discussed the book with a friend whose boyfriend introduced her as his buddy. When she read the book, she went back to him and confronted him about introducing her that way. She informed him that she wanted to be introduced differently. I suggested to her that the information was not intended for her to try to get the introduction she wanted but to understand where she was in the relationship, how he classified their relationship. Ladies!!!! The book is not for him, it is for you.

After reading the book it can get a little discouraging when you think that some men are that simple. So simple, that they alone, don’t have to take responsibility for being unfaithful in their own relationship.

Steve Harvey did not say he was a relationship expert. He thought it would help women to understand how some men think. Steve Harvey said, he knows how men think.

Do you think the information in Steve Harvey’s book Act like a Lady, Think like a Man, will affect women’s behavior? Has it changed your behavior? Do you think it should?